I quit my job without another one lined up. Six months later, here's the honest truth.

Eight months ago I resigned from a job I had held for six years without having another one lined up. I had some savings — enough for about eight months if I was careful. I had a vague plan and a lot of anxiety and a very strong feeling that if I didn't leave I was going to keep not leaving forever.

People said the things people say. "In this economy?" "Have you thought this through?" "What's your plan?" I had thought it through. My plan was incomplete. Both of those things were true simultaneously.

Six months on, here is the honest version — not the "I took a leap of faith and learned so much about myself" version you see online, but the actual one.

The first two months

Horrible. I want to be straightforward about this because the narrative about quitting without a plan tends to skip this part.

I slept badly. I had no structure and discovered that I am a person who needs structure. I applied for things I was overqualified for out of panic and then felt humiliated when I didn't hear back. I had three weeks in the middle of month two where I seriously considered emailing my old manager and asking if my position was still available.

The freedom I had imagined did not feel like freedom. It felt like floating in water with no visible shore.

Months three and four

Better. I found a rhythm. I started doing some freelance work in my field — not much, but enough to feel useful and to stop the savings drain. I had a few good conversations with people I'd wanted to speak to for years but never had time. I read things. I thought about what I actually wanted versus what I had been pursuing because it was the logical next step in a path I'd started at twenty-three.

I still had bad weeks. But they weren't the majority anymore.

Where I am now

I have two part-time arrangements that together pay slightly less than my old salary. I work from home most days. I have time, which I did not have before. I have also had to accept that some of the things I imagined doing with that time — the projects, the travel, the deep thinking — are harder than I expected when you're also worrying about money.

Was it the right decision? I don't know yet. Ask me in another year.

What I can tell you is that it wasn't reckless in the way people meant when they used that word. It was a calculated bet with real risks, made by someone who had run the numbers and decided the risk of staying was larger than the risk of leaving. That calculation might not work for you. It might not ultimately work for me. But it wasn't thoughtless.

If you're in the place I was eight months ago — if you're looking at your job and feeling the specific dread of another year of the same — I'm not going to tell you to quit. I'm going to tell you to be honest with yourself about what's actually keeping you there, and whether those reasons are good enough.

Sometimes they are. Sometimes they aren't. Only you know which.